Oh man, my little boy totally, like, leapt from the ceiling the other day and crash-landed on my hip bone with his head.
Which was fine, he wasn’t hurt at all and I only thought I was going to die of pain for about two seconds and then completely forgot about it until about 24 hours later when I was getting dressed for ballet and discovered this giant bruise, exactly under the leg elastic of my leotard.
Not cool, Son. Not cool.
That mess hurts.
Anyway, one thing that is awesome about babies is that they totally comprehend and comply with charts and graphs!
So I made this chart, titled: Ballet-Related Places To Steer Away From While Falling At Mama From Great Heights, Especially When Head First.
I’ll just post this up high somewhere for him to quick-reference, pre-launch.
I included the face, even though I don’t use it very much in ballet class. But, you know, it’s my face.
Another thing that is awesome about babies, though, is that at some point they start to get the concept of kisses, and will grab you and come at you with a big open mouth if they think you are hurt. Which is comforting and terrifying and hilarious.
I guess according to this chart he should really aim for my arms and upper-to-mid torso.
Wait, this is a terrible idea, never mind.