Look out pedestrians, Mean Adult Beginner is here.

Driving to ballet class the other day, stopped at a long light, waiting for it to turn green, daydreaming, thinking of nothing, I happened to look over and see this girl standing at the crosswalk, wearing Those Awful Pants.
You know the ones.
Super low drop-crotch, tons of extra bulk in the thigh department that pleats up into a high waistband and tapers down into a short cropped hem. Like, specifically designed to make the wearer look short-legged wide-hipped thick-waisted and saddle-baggy. These things aren’t jodhpurs either, more like a hideous hybrid of hip hop meets harem.
Maybe you are the one person in the world who looks hot in these pants, Gentle Reader, and if so that is awesome for you and please send me a photo of you wearing them hotly while hanging out with your pet unicorn and your pal Big Foot, ’cause dayuum, I really want believe the world is that kind of magical place.
Anyway, so I saw this girl and thought to myself, (For full effect, read this in the bitchiest voice you’ve got, Gentle Reader) “Oh Girl No. That is Tragic.”
And then happened to glance down into my own lap at my own tragic get-up of brown floral shorts over white-pink ballet tights ending in short white athletic socks and running shoes, and totally snorted out loud and was like, “Oh. Oh Adult Beginner. No Girl, no.”

About adultbeginner

Had my first ballet class Ever at the advanced age of thirty-two. Yikes.
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6 Responses to Look out pedestrians, Mean Adult Beginner is here.

  1. Polly says:

    Based on that description, I think those are the pants that, when one of the designers on Project Runway made them, they were called “the poopy pants” by the judges because you look like a baby with a poopy diaper.

  2. Barbara says:

    I NEVER wear flats because I think they ruin every outfit. One day shopping I could tell I was giving people dirty looks that had running shoes on when NOT on their way to a gym. Within days I was running around my apartment to get ready for ballet class and stubbed my baby toe and broke it. The worst part was not being able to take class for 8 weeks AND I had to buy flats plus wear my running shoes NOT to a gym and was HORRIFIED knowing everyone thought I had no sense of style. I hope this does not mean you will be relegated to having to wear some kind of droopy pant!!!

  3. Krisu says:

    Brilliant! We’ve all been there–it’s the there-must-not-be-any-mirrors-in-her-house snark, but then again I struggle with comfort (big badass bunion), so I have that godawful sensible shoe thing going on…ugh :(

    • Dude, I totally wear running shoes all over the place. On purpose. With dresses even. Outfit snarking is such a delicious thing that I kinda wouldn’t even want to deny anyone the pleasure of doing it, even if it’s at me. I mean, I’m certainly not going to stop doing it at other people. It’s too delicious!

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