Wean weaner weanest.

Alert: this posts includes discussion of breastfeeding and barely anything about ballet. If you think boobs are gross, maybe just go back and look at yesterday’s post. But if you think it’s awesome what all the human body can get up to, from babies to ballet, read on.

I was at this party last fall when I realized that it is impossible to talk to other mothers.
See, there was this other mother there, with a baby about the same age as my baby, and I wanted to talk to her about weaning and stuff but before I could say anything I had this entire conversation in my mind:
me: “Are you still nursing? Oh! Haha! I don’t mean like that, like Still Nursing like its a bad thing or anything, I just meant like ’cause I am! Still nursing. But I mean if you’re not still nursing that’s totally cool…and like if you never nursed at all, that’s, like, that’s cool too of course, I mean I’m not trying to judge or anything I just maybe wanted to talk…about…um…oh FFS fuck it, never mind, have you seen a quiet corner where I can put my foot in my mouth? I have to go now.”
And then I basically avoided her the rest of the evening.
So now it’s almost summer, and as of last week the baby is officially weaned, aka no longer nursing, aka a huge step in independence for him, and for me, aka he is totally fine with this new world order and I thought I was too until yesterday, when the adrenaline of throwing all my nursing bras in the trash (See You In Hell, Overly Cute Polkadots With A Bow!!!!) and the excitement of returning to underwire had settled a bit, and I suddenly felt really sad.
Like physically sad. Like a sad that radiated from deep with in my body, and my mind was like, Dude, what are you doing? I am the one in charge of emotions here! And my body was like Ha Ha that is what you think.
(I’m always kind of impressed when my body reminds my mind who is really the boss.)
I would say the sadness was about 50% hormones, 25% actual emotion from my brain, and the rest tiredness from not sleeping because of the previous 75%.
I mean, I am sad with my mind that my days don’t start with a snuggly nursing baby anymore, I miss that, but I’m also proud of my baby for being, like, fully his own entity now, and I wanna give my body a high-five for all it’s done, but at the same time the deep body sadness was making me do not normal things like cry at Bonnie Raitt songs.
Ridiculous! I’ve heard Nobody’s Girl a million times! Nothing to cry about there! (Ok maybe. A little. KIT Adult Beginner, Keep It Together)
Anyway, so I went to the internet to see if this deep physical sadness is a thing that happens -because unlike other mothers, the internet probably won’t get all offended at my pryful questions- and found that yes, this is normal, hormones lolz etc, and also found a remedy that was so bizarre and wonderful I immediately slid off the couch and into the front yard and picked a ton of jasmine, went back inside, stuffed my bra full of flowers, and took a nap.
Crushed fresh jasmine flowers. Applied directly. Not for the sadness but to help decrease milk production and thereby stop the lumpiness. Did I mention the lumps? Maybe a certain percent of the sadness was just plain old discomfort.
Whether the jasmine actually did the trick or not, I really love that just for a minute I was not a sad and lumpy mother, I was totally some kind of Fairy Queen. I was all, “Peaseblossom! Cobweb! Moth! Mustard Seed! Tie up my love’s tongue. And while you’re out, fetch me a whole buncha jasmine petals for my bosom, k?”
Back when I was pregnant, the lady who taught our childbirth class was talking about nursing, and weaning, and all the physical changes, and she said that we’d likely carry some extra weight until we were all the way done nursing, and then it would vanish and we’d find ourselves in the best shape of our lives.
I don’t know if this is true or if it was just a really kind thing to say to a room full of first timers. I’d love to see those results in the mirror across from the barre, but I also think it sounds a little magical, a little too easy.
I’ll keep you posted.
In the meantime, long as we don’t do our adagio to Nobody’s Girl I’ll be fine.
KIT, Gentle Reader.

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About adultbeginner

Had my first ballet class Ever at the advanced age of thirty-two. Yikes.
This entry was posted in ce n'est pas une mom blog and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

17 Responses to Wean weaner weanest.

  1. bronwensw says:

    I absolutely love that stuffing your bra with jasmine is a legit remedy thing, nature is amazing

  2. wedoballet says:

    The little extra weight that finally falls off was totally the case with me… Seems like you get back into shape quickly while nursing… but that last bit hangs on… then woosh…I don’t know about best shape of my life (I wasn’t dancing then)… but there was definitely something that fell off when I stopped nursing BoyMowgli way back when.
    Fingers crossed.

  3. Katy says:

    Despite a slightly less that equally consensual weaning process (I’m pretty sure Dragon had plans for us to audition for one of those Extreme Breastfeeding reality shows) I was a bit sad too.

    I went for eating sage out of the bottle – not nearly as poetic as jasmine!

    I was the opposite weight-wise, as long as those extra calories were coming off I was tiny, but then I ended up pretty much where I started, minus about 4 lbs.

    • Haha! Extreme Breastfeeding show, oh no.
      And yeah, it is really something how even when you’re completely ready and you’ve been slowly working towards it for months, actually being done with nursing is still a surprise.

  4. RO says:

    Hahaha this cracked me up! Let’s hope that weight all melts of like that lady said.. now that would be magical ;-)

  5. koolchicken says:

    My son is about a month younger than your’s and he’s currently self weaning. It’s nice to know I’m not alone with this right now. Cause it hurts when you say “But don’t you want just a little milk?” and he shakes his head no, sniff. I tossed my daytime nursing bras and tanks out this week too, even though I haven’t needed them in months. You’d have thought I knew this was coming…

    • Self weaning always sounded like such a good deal, but now I can totally see how that would be hard too. Hang in there, mama.

      • koolchicken says:

        Thanks, I’m trying.

        I’m also wishing I just went with it when I noticed he was starting to taper down. But my husband urged me to keep going. Now I think it may have been easier on me emotionally to say “he doesn’t need it anymore, he refuses a lot, and I’m choosing to do this”. I think the control aspect makes a big difference. But I think it’s one of those things that you can’t know how you’ll feel about it until after it happens and you have a chance to reflect.

        So I’m going to try to just look on the bright side. It’s not quite as physically painful as it could have been if I weaned him myself. My supply is dropping on it’s own and I haven’t needed to do anything, knock on wood. Also, at 18 months I still feel letdown and it’ll be nice not to have to deal with that anymore!

  6. Janet says:

    Hormone changes can be a challenge! The loss of that special bond between you and little AB is also sad. On the positive side, you did breast feed successfully and that was great for the little guy. I hope the hormones calm down soon. The jasmine idea sounds great.
    The extreme breast feeders can be over the top. The kids who are running around at four years old who suddenly stop by for a snack are one example. I wonder if this behavior is driven by the mom or the child? At some point I think enough, already!

    • koolchicken says:

      I feel compelled to point out that if left to wean on their own, most children do so naturally between the ages of 2 to 4. Also, you can’t make a baby breastfeed. They can and do resist if they don’t want to be put at the breast. So it’s not the women “forcing” a child to continue bf’ing. It’s a woman who’s comfortable with letting a child continue to do something that comforts them for as long as they need that form of comfort.

    • I’m sure to some people my year-and-a-half seems extreme, so I say To Each Their Own, right up until people go volunteering themselves on reality shows, in which case they’re opening their lives up for judgement by any fool with a teevee.

  7. Megan says:

    Triple bonus points for the Midsummer reference. :-)

  8. Rebecca says:

    Oh AB, I remember this well. For me it WAS true, I did shed the last bit and, two years on, I AM in the best shape of my life (though this may have something to do with taking up ballet since then).
    The only downside, apart from the weepy hormones and lack of nursing snuggles, was a certain amount of, um… deflation. Don’t splash any serious cash on lingerie yet – I changed size about every four months and am only just back to my modest pre-pregnancy size.
    KIT, AB, you’ll be fine.

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