No sleeps is no good

Got some new tights.
Capezio Hold&Stretch transition tights in ballet pink, or BPK as they code it.
Got them because my old Capezio tights have finally and truly kicked the bucket: they have developed thin spots through the thigh which is UNACCEPTABLE. No sheerness is allowed in the thigh department in ballet class. No sheerness!
Pink tights reveal enough as it is.
And no, I’m not gonna cut a hole and wear them as a shirt. What am I, a hobo?
Anyway, the tights were really just a bonus, I was online ordering a mattress cover for the baby’s crib, and needed to spend a certain amount of more dollars to qualify for free shipping, so was like what the hell, lets get me some tights.
Was ordering a mattress cover because The Baby is still not sleeping well, like for example he only woke up three times last night. At 1, 1:30, and 2:15.
That was a really good night.
Night before that was 10, 12, 1, 2:30, and 5am. That was a rough night to cap off a rough week of rough nights.
It’s crazy, as evening slides into Baby Bedtime these days I feel like I’m going into battle, like I psyche myself up and review my strategies and assemble my weapons and sometimes I’m full of stupid optimism like Tonight’s Gonna Be The Night!!! and sometimes I just go full on nihilist like Why Even Bother Going To Sleep At All!!!!
The Baby has slept through the night exactly twice since I moved him into his own room two months ago.
I don’t know what magical combination of factors resulted in those two nights.
But I’m looking for patterns and signs in everything. I’m full of superstition. Like, maybe he slept well because he was wearing these particular pajamas, maybe they are Magic! Or maybe it was because we walked east at sunset instead of west, or maybe because I touched the doorknob three times and then turned in a circle before I left his room. While wearing yellow. Who knows!
Bought a moisturizer solely on the basis of it having the word anti-fatigue on the jar. Bought some tea just because it says Well Rested. Looked at the box and thought, well, Tea, at least one of us outta be.
And I keep thinking I can outsmart the not-sleeping, if I just find the exact right nighttime routine or method or product or whatever, which is why I was online ordering a mattress pad, because it ocurred to me that he’s been sleeping on just a thin sheet over a plastic coated crib mattress this whole time, and that’s gotta be uncomfortable, but the crazy thing is almost all the crib mattress pads available are also waterproof, and, like, why would I want a waterproof pad on top of a waterproof mattress, and then I start thinking about cribs in general and Conspiracy Theorist me comes out and gets all angry with the furniture industry for pushing cribs in the first place, ’cause what would really be smart is if there was just a twin bed in the baby’s room, like with a rail so he won’t roll out, because eventually he’ll need a real bed and in the meantime there have been many nights where I’ve given the crib the exhausted side-eye while considering whether I could just get in there with him instead of sitting back down in that chair I was just in an hour earlier and would likely be in again in another couple hours.
And then in the morning after a wakeful night it feels almost like we’ve had an argument, like we’re quiet and polite with each other.
After the other night, the one with the five wake-ups, my husband pointed out that I can lay around all I want during the day, and I’m super lucky to be able to do that, but I don’t want to! I don’t want to sleep in the day! I got chickens doing port de bras to draw!
I am getting a nightly ballet practice in though, like this:
I’ve just put the baby in his crib, he’s asleep, it 2 or 3 or whatever a.m., and I’m slowly, quietly, toe-heel toe-heel ballet-walking down the hall back to dreamland.
Alright that’s enough crazy ranting for now, I’mma go make a gallon of Well Rested tea.

Edit 5/23/2013:
it’s been a few days now, and the sleep is going much better. For the moment. Maybe all that needed to happen this whole time was a post holding The Baby accountable to the Internet?

About adultbeginner

Had my first ballet class Ever at the advanced age of thirty-two. Yikes.
This entry was posted in Bark! Bark! Bark!, ce n'est pas une mom blog, OMG outfits you guys! and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

19 Responses to No sleeps is no good

  1. No sheerness!!! I believe in magic jammies. :)

  2. Nadine says:

    Well, you could get a bed rail and stick it on a single bed. Sounds fully legit to me. I had a bed rail for my kids.

  3. b says:

    DD eventually hit the crappy enough crib sleep point that we bought a twin bed and put it on the floor in her room without the box springs, just so I didn’t have to keep trying to put her down in the crib. It was much better.

  4. Carla Escoda says:

    May be a growth spurt if he is hungry that often?
    Mine slept in a Moses basket at the foot of the bed. Once I started giving them a little rice porridge in the evening, they tended to settle down for a nice long snooze.
    Look at the bright side of sleeplessness – you can get a lot done during those middle-of-the-night feeds: catch up on your reading, plan his 1st birthday party, make new ballet playlists on Spotify, have conference calls with colleagues in other time zones, research kindergartens (OK I never did that but I am told parents do that today), write poetry (OK I never did that either)…

    • Ha! WISH I could get stuff done! I mostly work on not falling asleep in the chair. Sucks to wake up and realize that you’re sitting up and there’s a baby in your lap who has just woken up too and who figures since you’re both there it might as well be time for another midnight snack.
      Sometimes I scroll through twitter or play Tetris. That’s, like, the closest I get to productive.

  5. Diane says:

    I feel for you! My kids did not really sleep through the night until they were in kindergarten. :o
    It eventually gets better; some children earlier, some later.
    By the time he leaves home, he will probably be sleeping through the night.
    Still, it is hard. Very hard. On you.

  6. David says:

    We just let ours sleep in the bed for a long time. Made it easier in some ways. Both did transition to their own beds eventually, but the night time feedings were much simpler when the nursing brat was already lying next to my wife. She could sleep right through them, practically.

  7. Terez Mertes says:

    Oh, oh, oh, I wish I could reach out and hug you from across the cyber-miles and say “it will get better. It’s the hardest thing in the world, dealing with sleep deprivation, but it WILL get better.” My son didn’t sleep through the night until 10 months and my nights were defined by “a 3-3-2” or a bad night of “2-2-3-2”, meaning how many hours of interrupted sleep I got. Dang, does that MESS a mother up. It really affects your psyche, being constantly woken up. ((You’re likely reading this, snorting, saying, “No shit!”))

    You soooooo have my sympathies. My respect. My admiration – that’s some really good writing there in that rant. So many little nubs I wanted to quote back to you and say “ooh, nice!” But there were too many, so you get a collective “ooh, nice!”

    Hang in there warrior mama. And thank you so much for posting, not just as Adult Beginner, but as Beginner Mama. I’m really, really enjoying your parenting posts. They make me both nostalgic and deeply relieved I’m not at that red-hot, intense place anymore. (My son is fourteen and I STILL never take a good night’s sleep for granted, and I STILL wince at the challenge it was, those sleep-interrupted nights.) And enjoy the new tights!

  8. backtothebarre says:

    OMG – I almost just snorted out loud in my cubicle at work. This is amazing, I’m so glad I found you! As a fellow beginner who’s finally getting back in the studio after years of telling myself I should, I’m excited to follow your antics! And try not to burst out laughing and scare all my co-workers…

  9. MM says:

    Hang in there! It will get better. And worse. It’s like an evil conspiracy, really. Children lull you into thinking you can finally get a good noght’s sleep and then blammo! Back they go to waking up again. As for your husband’s comment about you being able to lay around all day….well….let’s just say that when my husband said that to me , I managed to have to go out of town leaving him with twin infants. When he complained about bring tired, I smiled sweetly and said, “but you got to lay around all day!” Needless to say, he never said that again!

    (In all seriousness: it will get better!)

    • Ha!
      Well to be honest, I feel really fortunate to be home where I *could* lay around all day if I really needed to, you know, in between changes and feeding and walking and bouncing and feeding and stuff. Good lord, I can’t imagine doing my regular job through the no-sleeps. Those would be some messed-up costumes. Like shirts with no head-hole and stuff. Yikes.

  10. kiwiktn says:

    …and how do you find the tights?
    The waistband is a little tight for me and there’s a scratchy spot of the seam that irritates my lower back (and stick sports tape on), but other than that I really like them. I don’t mind a convertable foot that’s a little wider, so that the opening seam doesn’t HAVE to be under the ball of the foot. The material isn’t too thin or soft, which I don’t like on normal tights as they don’t have enough hold. They’re a little more stable, like the older, solid style with back seams, but not as warm (-> better for summer). And I think it’s good that they have their brand name printed on the waistband so that I still know where they’re from if I remove the tag. I hate it when I come to really like (or hate) a pair of tights and I can’t remember where I bought them from!

    • I’m also curious about this. I have 3 pairs of H&S tights currently, but when they wear out, I’m thinking of switching to Ultra-Soft. Mine are footed, though.

  11. jenerators says:

    ah… now you begin to understand why sleep deprivation is a form of torture! Back in the day, when I was a mother to a young one (or two) I used to “keep abreast of the news” and chat with people online overnight while feeding wakeful baby. Prop them up astride your thigh, support them with your hand on that side and read stuff on the net or even the newspaper spread out on the dining table. Then you won’t feel so guilty about sleeping during the day, as you’ll have done stuff overnight that you might usually like to do during the day (if that makes any sense!)

  12. jenerators says:

    PS you might like to try Fiesta brand tights. I am thrilled that my daughter (almost 18) and I fit into the same size now. I like the colour and they’re convertible (I think they also have footed ones). I think they may be an Australian brand.

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