What a let down

This here is a photo of my latest not-so-glamorous ballet accessory:

20130406-120135.jpg
What the heck are these things?
Disposable nursing pads, bitches!
What the heck are they for?
They go inside my sports bra in case I experience a let-down during ballet class.
What the heck is let-down?
It’s that (maybe awkward) moment when you start producing milk. Maybe your baby is around to enjoy it, maybe not. Who knows! It’s all a magical surprise!
It can happen when you see your baby, when you see a photo of your baby, when you think about your baby. It can happen when you hear your baby cry, or when you hear any baby cry, or when you hear something remotely similar to a baby’s cry, like a squeaky door or a seagull.
It can also happen when you hear something Not remotely similar to a baby crying. Like my favorite example from a book on breastfeeding I read while still pregnant: hearing the coffee grinder could stimulate a let down.
Hilarious I thought!
Not so hilarious when it happens during frappés!
Ok actually it is a little hilarious when it happens during frappés.
As long as I’m safely covered.
Which I am!
I mean woo doggies, a sweaty leotard is one thing but, um, yeah, I’d probably die of embarrassment and never go back to class again if, like, well anyway it’s not gonna happen so we don’t even need to go there.
These ones in the photograph are a cheap store brand version of the Lansinoh nursing pads, and ladies, if you’re in the market, don’t buy the cheap ones like I did, get the Lansinoh. These cheap things say they are contoured. They are not! They are flat flat flat! Like wearing a coaster!
No this post is not sponsored by Lansinoh.
I wish.
I also have some washable ones that I made for wearing at home. You can find lots of DIY tutorials online that recommend several layers of flannel. Mine have several layers of flannel and a layer of silk satin because I’m fancy.
Anyway, the other day I went to the chiropractor and got a massage, which was seriously amazing. I think I’ve been hunched over for the past almost six months solid what with all the picking the baby up and carrying him around and gazing down while I feed him and stuff.
Seriously, like before this chiro and massage whenever I’d do that stretch where you bring your hands together behind your back and squeeze your shoulder blades together I’d feel crackcrackcrackcrackcrack, and now, my shoulder blades just slide toward each other like it ain’t no thang.
Really wish I’d had ballet that day, my cambré toward the back would’ve been the stuff of legends!
Anyway, so I was getting this massage, and, you know, lying under a sheet not wearing clothes, as one does when getting a massage, and more importantly not wearing nursing pads, and all of a sudden, for no good reason, here comes that pinching feeling of the let-down.
And I was like, Fuuuuh! Not here! What do I do! Quick, what do men do? Quick! Think about cold showers! Think about baseball! Think about Grandma!

Advertisements

About adultbeginner

Had my first ballet class Ever at the advanced age of thirty-two. Yikes.
This entry was posted in ce n'est pas une mom blog, OMG outfits you guys!, the Body and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

16 Responses to What a let down

  1. Hilarious post! Thank you for brightening up my day!

  2. This is shit funny!! THANK YOU!! xx

  3. lol! oh my goodness – I remember when I’d forget those goofy things when I’d go shopping without my baby and would come home with a soaked shirt. Thank goodness I’d have a jacket on to hide it.

  4. Janet says:

    It is a challenge to be glamorous and practical.

  5. Ha! I know what those are! I couldn’t imagine wearing those while dancing. Kiddos to you for not letting breast feeding stop you from your pursuit of ballet!!

  6. Katy says:

    I thought the evils of disposable breast pads were bad until my mum-in-law told me a story which involved glass reservoirs worn in the bra…but now I can’t help thinking about the alarming sprinkler-like possibilities with fouettes!

  7. Alexa says:

    Up to a point, Lily Padz (silicone nursing pads) are the bomb for this sort of situation.

  8. RO says:

    Ohhh man did I enjoy this post! You’re hilarious!

  9. LWP Elle says:

    Haha! That is so funny. For now. At least I know what I have to look forward to.

  10. Terez Mertes says:

    Oh, the memories! And hopefully you won’t suffer what I did: plugged ducts from wearing sports bras (triple ones to keep the milk jugs harnessed and un-bouncing) for too long. Ouch.

    Enjoyed reading this!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s