This here is a photo of my latest not-so-glamorous ballet accessory:
What the heck are these things?
Disposable nursing pads, bitches!
What the heck are they for?
They go inside my sports bra in case I experience a let-down during ballet class.
What the heck is let-down?
It’s that (maybe awkward) moment when you start producing milk. Maybe your baby is around to enjoy it, maybe not. Who knows! It’s all a magical surprise!
It can happen when you see your baby, when you see a photo of your baby, when you think about your baby. It can happen when you hear your baby cry, or when you hear any baby cry, or when you hear something remotely similar to a baby’s cry, like a squeaky door or a seagull.
It can also happen when you hear something Not remotely similar to a baby crying. Like my favorite example from a book on breastfeeding I read while still pregnant: hearing the coffee grinder could stimulate a let down.
Hilarious I thought!
Not so hilarious when it happens during frappés!
Ok actually it is a little hilarious when it happens during frappés.
As long as I’m safely covered.
Which I am!
I mean woo doggies, a sweaty leotard is one thing but, um, yeah, I’d probably die of embarrassment and never go back to class again if, like, well anyway it’s not gonna happen so we don’t even need to go there.
These ones in the photograph are a cheap store brand version of the Lansinoh nursing pads, and ladies, if you’re in the market, don’t buy the cheap ones like I did, get the Lansinoh. These cheap things say they are contoured. They are not! They are flat flat flat! Like wearing a coaster!
No this post is not sponsored by Lansinoh.
I also have some washable ones that I made for wearing at home. You can find lots of DIY tutorials online that recommend several layers of flannel. Mine have several layers of flannel and a layer of silk satin because I’m fancy.
Anyway, the other day I went to the chiropractor and got a massage, which was seriously amazing. I think I’ve been hunched over for the past almost six months solid what with all the picking the baby up and carrying him around and gazing down while I feed him and stuff.
Seriously, like before this chiro and massage whenever I’d do that stretch where you bring your hands together behind your back and squeeze your shoulder blades together I’d feel crackcrackcrackcrackcrack, and now, my shoulder blades just slide toward each other like it ain’t no thang.
Really wish I’d had ballet that day, my cambré toward the back would’ve been the stuff of legends!
Anyway, so I was getting this massage, and, you know, lying under a sheet not wearing clothes, as one does when getting a massage, and more importantly not wearing nursing pads, and all of a sudden, for no good reason, here comes that pinching feeling of the let-down.
And I was like, Fuuuuh! Not here! What do I do! Quick, what do men do? Quick! Think about cold showers! Think about baseball! Think about Grandma!