Sometimes you need a pep talk from identical twin strangers.

Ok, so I’m standing at the trailhead at my new favorite place to go walking- Coldwater Canyon Park- just drinking water and thinking about which trail to take next, and I hear, “Hey! Hey! How far along are you!”
And I’m thinking Oh for fucks sake, some busybody know-it-all is about to get all up in my grillpiece about how I shouldn’t be out here hiking in my delicate condition, and I turn and look and No, Gentle Reader, it is not some busybody,
It is twins.
Identical twins.
Coming right at me!
They’re about my age and seriously identical, like right down to their big-like-Paris sunglasses, and they both lay into me with a million questions rapid-fired In The Same Voice all about my pregnant fitness habits.
“Oh my god, you’re adorable. Do you work out? You work out right? Are you at the gym every day? How many calories do you eat every day? You don’t know?! Look at you, you are just all baby, do you do yoga? Do you eat meat? I’m pregnant too, are you tired all the time I’m tired all the time! I’d better start walking every day too. And what about blah blah blah blah blah?!”
And, Gentle Reader, I gotta tell ya, there are few things as surreal as being interrogated/complimented by strangers with the same face and voice, while standing in this amazingly quiet leafy wilderness with hawks soaring overhead and these brilliant blue birds I’ve never even seen before rustling around in the underbrush, all in the middle of one of the biggest, loudest, glitziest, dirtiest cities in the whole country.
The surreal-est part of my Thursday, fer sure.
Plus it totally cheered me up because I’d just been that morning to see the midwives, and all news was good news except that I’d gained a surprising amount of weight in the past couple weeks, and, like, I was feeling kinda down about the weight, and kinda not in control of it,
See it went like this:
At week 35 the midwives gave me a talking to about how this is the point when a lot of women just give up. Like, they’re hot, they’re tired, they’re huge, and they’ve been so good for so long about eating the right food and not eating sweets and exercising every day and they just say fuck it, I’m over it, I’m eating this entire pack of M&Ms and washing it down with a milkshake, I’ve earned it.
And how, like, that’s not a good thing because although you may have earned it, the weight is basically going on the baby at this point, and the goal is to not have a huge baby because, like, it’s still up to you to push the baby out.
And I was totally on board, like Yes, Stay On The Path Of Righteousness, Do Not Wash Down M&Ms With Milkshakes.
So they weighed me and I was at 29 pounds total gained since the start of the pregnancy. Fine. They said I could have another two to four pounds.
Week 36 they weight me, still at 29 pounds total gain. Great.
Week 37 they didn’t weigh me. Instead of me going to their office where the scale is, they came to my house to visit and make sure we have, like, electricity and running water. Which we do.
Week 38 back at the office, they weigh me. 33 pounds total gain. Four pounds in two weeks. WTF.
They mention that part again about how it’s up to me and only me to push the baby out.
Which is kinda like Only You Can Prevent Forest Fires but, you know, worse.
And I’m like, “But Dudes! I didn’t do anything different! I have no idea why I gained this weight! Or how to not gain more! Whuh happen?”
And it got me thinking about food and how I had assumed eating while pregnant would be way easier that eating during non-pregnant timez. Like, instead of visions of pink tights and mirrored walls coloring all my food decisions, pregnancy would be all fluffy shirts and ice cream on the daily.
And it’s not!
It is all no refined sugar and making sure I get some protein every time I eat and actually feeling slightly worried instead of thrilled when people tell me I look small.
It’s all eating a real breakfast plus vitamins instead of running out the door with coffee.
It’s all suddenly realizing how much pastry and coffee my favorite style blogs feature all the time. Like, oh look, she’s having a mocha with cinnamon and a rainbow of beautiful pastel macaroons again, is she trying to kill me?
So anyway.
This is week 39. I’ll be curious to see what the scale says, but I think I’m not gonna worry about it too much.
I’m still eating better now than the entire rest of my adult life, and Twin Strangers think I look cute, so there.


About adultbeginner

Had my first ballet class Ever at the advanced age of thirty-two. Yikes.
This entry was posted in ce n'est pas une mom blog, the Body and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

13 Responses to Sometimes you need a pep talk from identical twin strangers.

  1. Sounds like what happened to me during my last 5 weeks. I did nothing differently, but gained a bunch. And then, to add insult to injury, my child was very small for his gestational age….so it was me who gained that weight, not him.

    • Hmm. Well that’s good. I mean not Good good but, you know, ok. I’d prefer the weight to go on me than on the baby. I think. Might have to get back to you later on that one.

  2. Lainey says:

    I was really struck when you said you no longer felt “in control”. You might want to get used to that feeling because once that kiddo is here, you’ll be feeling that way a LOT more often! I have an 8 year old and a 4 year old. I started out with all kinds of ideas of what I wanted my life with kids to look like. I have been seriously schooled in the art of going with the flow!

  3. Anony Mouse says:

    Is there a recommended eating plan after delivery? I’m guessing it all depends on whether you nurse or not.

    For you personally, given your current energy level and stage of pregnancy, do you now think you could have continued ballet? Is yoga still part of your routine?

    • Looks like nursing ladies are recommended a couple hundred More calories per day than pregnant ladies. Which sounds Awesome but probably just means some more protein and vegetables, not my ice cream every day fantasy world.
      Oh well.
      When I went back to visit my ballet class -I think that was in July?- it was clear that the class would’ve been too much for me even at that point. Mainly because Smirnoff’s barre is a major cardiovascular work out on top of being mentally complex. And I’m too competitive to hold back or modify in a smart way, so, like, would’ve been a bad scene. Red-faced gasping pregnant lady dangling from the barre, nobody wants to see that.
      This is the first week I did not go to yoga. Have been every week since right around four months along, but the midwives recommended I stay away from inversions, as they are counterproductive at this point, and concentrate on exercises involving gravity to bring the baby down, like walking hills and hiking.
      Gotta say, I think doing Something, some kinda exercise, every day, even a relatively wussy exercise like walking, has been a major factor in what a nice pregnancy I’ve had. I can see how it would be really easy to skip a few days, and skip a few more days, and suddenly find oneself so much bigger and with weird new aches and changes that it would be too scary to get back to exercising, and then you’d miss out on that on that feeling of Yes, My Body Can Do This! and that would be a bummer.

  4. O'Fla says:

    ah, you are so right to not worry about it now. There is plenty of time to lose any weight if you want to, and your baby is not going to balloon into a medicine-ball-size so that you cannot push it out; that all depends mainly on the size of you and the father of the baby, really.
    You will be fine.
    The coming of a baby changes everything? :D
    Oh, yes. Forever. And Ever.
    (mine are now adults, and I still feel the reverberations! Both are dancers, like their mum, btw)

  5. Just came across your blog – and you’re so funny Hope the remainder of your pregnancy goes smoothly – and it sounds to me that you are doing just fine (really great even) in the pregnancy weight gain department! I know many many women who gain a whole lot more than that (my mom gained 70 lbs – a lot of it extra fluid retention, but still!- when she was pregnant with my sister). Plus, it will all be completely worth it and you’ll probably wonder why you were concerned once you hold your little one.

  6. CBells says:

    Oh man, not to make this about me, but hopefully this will also make you feel better (perspective, ya know?).

    Okay, so imagine that “surprising amount of weight gain” thing happening to you, except you’re not pregnant, and you’re an active, lactose-intolerant, gluten-free, salad eating 24-year-old who has been between 105-115 pounds since you were 11, then all of the sudden you get bigger, and bigger and bigger and every time you step on the scale for a whole year you are about to faint. Until all of the sudden you are 139 pounds! For no reason! And you can’t lose weight no matter what you eat/do/etc.

    Scary and out of control! Thus has been my experience for the past year or so, so when I read the 4 pounds like I was like, man! She’s got it good!!

    Moral of the story: You are super pregnant, I bet you look amazing, will have a slender baby (ha) who will require minimal pushing, and everything’ll just be dandy!

    (Note: I have been to several doctors who have diagnosed me every which way for months with all kinds of endocrine stuff, only to come full circle back to “we just don’t know.” But if anyone else has a story like this–and has a healthy thyroid– I would love to know!)

    • Hey CBells, I hope you find an answer.
      And yeah, I know this is a ridiculous thing to complain about really. Was moaning to my sister the other day and she was pretty much like, “Bitch please. Get up outta my face with your four pounds. I probably gained four pounds last week and I’ve got zero excuse.”

    • candice says:

      You on any allergy drugs? Some of them have ugly side effects — I got hit with forty pounds as a teenager from allergy meds. Fortunately I have big bones and turned it into muscle in the ensuing years, but it sucked at the time.

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