Bananas are Gross

Don’t even play, you know it’s true.
Bananas are all mushy, and, like, banana flavored.
The really annoying thing about bananas is that they’re actually pretty good for you.
Stupid bananas.
All full of good stuff.
Here’s a link to The Tao of Good Health, which I found while googling Why Are Bananas Good For Dancers, lots of actual info about ‘nanners.
But I’m not here to share helpful info, I’m here to tell you how to stomach the damned things.
You gotta freeze them.
Freeze, ‘Nanners!
Peel them, break them into pieces, put them in some kinda container (I use mason jars because jars are awesome) and then throw them in the freezer while yelling See You In Hell, Bananas!!!
Next day, get a jar, put the frozen banana bits in the blender, make a smoothie.
The frozen banana makes it nice and frosty-creamy, instead of all frothy and gross like a room-temperature banana does.
I throw in the banana bits, then a big scoop of almond butter (protein) then almond milk (vitamins A D and E, plus keeps me from going totally overboard on the dairy, as I like to do) cinnamon, and a scoop of carob powder.
Carob is my jam these days, as it has no caffeine. I used to do unsweetened chocolate powder.
The nice thing about the banana is that it’s sweet enough to sweeten the smoothie on its own, no added sugar necessary.
Speaking of jams, friend was over the other day and she was like, “hey, I know you’re not eating sugar, but you got any desserts in the house?”
And I was like, “hmm, let’s see. There’s some black licorice?”
And she was like, “Ew, no thank you”
And then I was like, “Oh! There’s jam!”
And she was like, “that is not even a dessert!”
And I was like, “No, it’s good! We have lots of kinds! You could have jam and a little spoon!”
I was getting really into this idea,
But she was not having it.
Jam was not her jam.
Anyway, here’s a picture of the gross room-temperature bananas, getting prepped to go into the freezer and become halfway edible.


About adultbeginner

Had my first ballet class Ever at the advanced age of thirty-two. Yikes.
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40 Responses to Bananas are Gross

  1. wilma says:

    omg i DON’T and CAN’T and WON’T believe you about them frozen bananas!
    bananas are disgusting, warm or cold, and that’s final!

  2. Nellie says:

    See, I aime bien bananas BUT I’m so picky about them that most of the time it’s easier not to eat them… On the subject of frozen fruit though, have you tried frozen grapes? I have yet to work out how I feel about them but they’re kinda awesome.

    Also, liquorice is nom. Super nom. Omnomnom. And it is totally a dessert.

  3. Sandra Lindsey says:

    Bananas are yummy if you have them in sandwiches! Though it’s not a very healthy way to eat them:

    Butter two slices of bread (proper salted butter is best).
    Place one piece of bread on the plate you’re going to eat off (it’s very important you do this now – all will be explained…)
    Slice the banana until the piece of bread is covered in little circles of banana (usually takes 1/2 banana for 1 round of sandwiches so do whatever you like with the other half – no point making 2 rounds if you’ve not had banana sandwiches before and you might not like them)
    Cover the banana slices with about 2 dessertspoonfuls of sugar (white, granulated) (yes really. LOADS of sugar!)
    Place the other slice of bread on top.
    Cut the sandwich into halves / quarters (as per your own preference)
    Eat, trying to minimise sugar spillage.

    I take after my granny when it comes to sugar, but since I’d like to carry on fitting in my UK-size-10 clothes, banana sandwiches are a very, very rare treat!

    • I think I just went into a diabetic coma from reading that.
      Ok here’s something horrible: once, as a kid, I made myself a peanut butter And Butter sandwich. My mom was like, “Hope you enjoyed that. Because you’re never eating that again or you will be Three Hundred Pounds.”

      • roriroars says:

        Um… I used to eat peanut butter and butter sandwiches all.the.time. *hides face in shame*

        Oh, and on the subject of bananas… I prefer barely all yellow, no spots. In general I prefer them as part of something other than just plain ol’ banana. Sliced on cereal, in a smoothie, or (my favorite) mashed up in a batch of banana bread with chocolate chips (I’m weird about nuts in my baked goods, but banana bread is kind of uninspiring without some sort of chunk… chocolate chips are a most delicious addition… I use semi-sweet… you know, for the antioxidants).

  4. Laura says:

    I agree with Sandra Lindsey that banana sandwiches are delicious, but as a Yank I prefer to glue mine together with peanut butter (and no sugar). Also, for me to go near a banana it has to be juuuust barely ripe enough to eat. Brown-spotty, mushy bananas are indeed gross, second only to anything that actually IS banana-flavored.

    Okay, I didn’t realize I had quite so many Banana Opinions.

  5. Jenna says:

    I do like a fresh banana if, and only if, it has the slightest bit of green left on the peel. After that point, I’ll eat it, but I won’t enjoy it! I do, however, absolutely love banana bread and banana muffins, and you can put so much good stuff in them. Ever tried banana loaf with walnuts? Mmmmmm… It’s also an excellent way to use up the past-ripe bananas without being forced to eat them in their blackened, mushy state.

    A little while ago my Mom wanted to make muffins with her over-ripe bananas but didn’t have time right then and there, so instead of freezing them as Grandma always did, she peeled them and stuck them in the fridge in a sandwich bag. Right at eye level. That was a disturbing sight!

  6. one of my friends actually has bananaphobia. Once his roommates put a half-rotten banana into a kitchen shelf and it fell out as he opened it – he ran away screaming.
    Anyway my favourite way of eating bananas is almost how you describe it, actually bananas make pretty nice ice cream (and you can use half-rotten ones for that too ;)): and

  7. RainStorm says:

    Bananas are so not gross! But your freezing and blending method does sound yummy :)

    (I work with someone who has the same reaction as you do to these yellow fruit. She might be worse and she doesn’t like the smell or being in the same room as someone who’s eating one!£

  8. Mattie says:

    “My mom was like, “Hope you enjoyed that. Because you’re never eating that again or you will be Three Hundred Pounds.””

    Haha, I actually laughed out loud when I read that. I agree, bananas are super tricky. I hate hate HATED them growing up, but now I choke them down when they are mostly green. Once there is any semblance of a freckle, it’s all over. But man, they really are so useful, especially for a last minute healthy pre-ballet snack. Why can’t chocolate be packed with potassium and vitamins and magic?

  9. candice says:

    Bananas. Hate them. Even frozen.

    But, if you like prunes they have all of that good-for-you stuff without the awful banana taste!

  10. Janet says:

    I actually like bananas. Must be yellow with some spots. Not too mushy. Your idea of freezing them and making a drink sounds good.
    Have you sampled some of the more exotic melon varieties available this time of year? I am partial to Galia and Tuscan. If Sharlynn and some of the others were a little smaller, I would buy those too.
    Then there is the real love of my life — a fresh Blenheim Apricot. Problem is, they are delicate little things. Mainly available dried. Good source is Apricot King (online site). Tastiest are the slabs and slip pits. (Not an ad for a particular brand intended, but the “mediterranean” ones that are mass marketed are just not as good)
    As for Licorice — LOVE IT! The friend who wanted dessert may need to consider bringing her own. BYOD may need to be on the next party invite.
    Hope things are going well for you and Mr. AB, and that the expected little person is letting you get some sleep.

    • Thank you, I have a pretty awesome pillow-fort going, built with those long body-pillow things, so the sleep thing is going well.
      I love watermelon and will totally eat way too much of it when given the opportunity. Will have to look into other melons at farmers market this weekend, change things up a little.

      • Ok and to be fair, my friend is correct, jam is not even a dessert. Eating jam with a little spoon is more like the kind of thing I’d do in secret while looking over my shoulder than the kind of thing normal people do. Next time I should either make sure there’s a real dessert in the house or when people ask “What can I bring?” instead of saying “just your hot self” I should assign them dessert.

  11. Allison says:

    I hate bananas! So I’m totally going to try your smoothie recipe, including the part about yelling See You In Hell, Bananas!! (I really, really love that.) Those evil bananas will definitely help keep the even-more-evil pregnancy leg cramps at bay for you.

  12. Wow. Didn’t know so many people are in the anti-banana camp! I love the stuff! On the average day (when there are dance classes) I eat two, one with my breakfast and one before class. I’m very picky though. Bananas have to be ripe yellow, not greenish and no brown spots anywhere. I hate it when they get over-ripe, yeuch.

    I also like to do smoothies, but instead of freezing the bananas, I use frozen blueberries or chilled orange juice. One of my fave recipes:

    – one small and ripe banana
    – yoghurt or quark
    – tablespoon of oatmeal for added fibre
    – frozen blueberries or lingonberries
    – a little bit of milk if it gets too thick

    Or this one: banana, quark/yoghurt, half a nectarine (or any other seasonal fruit), topped with chilled orange juice.

    Bananas are good for dancers! :)

  13. Anony Mouse says:

    Monkey Sandwiches = slice of toast + whole banana
    i was tricked as a chld into liking them by the name.

    ps. i hate the 2-piece mason jar LIDS!!!! my container drawer is a mess because of them.

    • Monkey sandwiches!!!
      I was tricked into eating tuna in a similar way: Catfood Sandwich. Kids are weird.
      You hate 2 piece lids? How in the world do you make your pickles?!
      Here’s the trick with keeping a tidy lid drawer: Throw Away all lids and jars that are not identical. That way you never have to figure out which cap matches which ring matches which jar.

  14. Kaija says:

    I loathe ripe bananas…too sweet and too mushy. They literally make me gag. However, I do like them when they are quite green, not so sweet, and have a firm texture. Texture is a big dealbreaker for me and food. Any signs of ripeness and those bananas are going into a batch of banana bread! :) All-time four-star favourite recipe right here:

    And yeah, that potassium helps to ward off muscle cramps :) Go (green) bananas!

  15. Ashley says:

    I guess I’m the only one here that makes a special trip to the grocery store on off weeks to buy enough bananas to last the week for breakfast. I buy with the ends green but my favorite is when they get a few brown spots on them and have the perfect banana texture. One banana with a Natures Own Oats & Honey granola bar for breakfast every morning. And sometimes if I have extra bananas for a snack after work. Or sliced and mixed in with yogurt and granola and other fruit. Or frozen and then ice creamed and topped with chocolate sauce. Not on sandwiches though. That’s weird to me. I probably go through 350 bananas a year. Just saying.

  16. georgi says:

    Damn you all! Now I’ll never be able to look at bananas the same way ever again
    You’ve ruined bananas for me :(

    • Really Dude?
      That’s all it takes to ruin bananas for you?
      A conversation including pro-banana and anti-banana points of view?
      Sounds like a weakness of conviction to me.
      Maybe your bloodsugar is low, here- have a banana.

  17. I’m hearing a lot of opinions on just when a banana is ready to eat, so figured I’d consult the youtubes for an Expert Opinion. And here it is:

  18. lalatina says:

    Well I like bananas :) Hilarious post! :)

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