Haven’t actually started the birthing classes yet,
But did get it all scheduled. Eight classes, once a week, first four classes about labor and delivery, second four about infant care.
Texted Mr. Adult Beginner and it went like this:
AB: baby class Sundays, 3-5:30
Mr. AB: Jesus. 2.5 hours?
AB: lots to know I guess?
Mr. AB: I didn’t have college classes that were 2.5 hours long.
Mr. AB: I am so Not discussing hopes and dreams or any of that, sure as fuck not with strangers
Mr. AB: there’s going to be meditation right?
AB: At the end of baby class you have to defend your thesis.
Mr. AB: I just know it.
Mr. AB: (texts picture of dog making frown-face at broccoli) Do Not Want
AB: sounds like there may be exercises involving breathing
Mr. AB: I already know how to do that
AB: thats what u think!
So that’s as far as we’ve gotten with the birthing classes.
In the meantime I am looking more and more hilarious on the daily.
Here are some stats: I’m at 7 months, and as of my weigh-in with the midwives this morning, I’ve gained 23 pounds.
Don’t tell Smirnoff.
To the casual observer, the belly looks like it is my biggest part. But it’s not, that honor still goes to my butt. I know because I got out the measuring tape and got to the bottom of this mystery.
Guessing it won’t be long now before The Belly Surpasses All!
Which is making skirts kind of a problem: usually clothes will gravitate toward the smallest point on the body, right?
Which is why miniskirts sometimes ride up and travel and suddenly the front button-fly is all the way around to the side back?
Nowadays, there’s less and less of a smallest point for me, skirts have mostly given up and decided to slide on down. Co-workers have offed suspenders. If I were more gangsta I’d just start wearing boxers under my skirts and roll with it.
I feel this funny feeling of, like, amused affection for the big belly. Almost like it’s not me, like it’s a pet, like it’s this silly lap-dog, like, What is The Belly going to do next? Haha! What are you wearing, Belly? That shirt is way too small! Silly! You know you can’t wear that! Hee hee! Oh you’re hungry again? Of course you are! Silly thing! Ok, here’s a nice treat for you. Good Belly! Who’s a good belly? Tummy rubs tummy rubs!
I took a belly dance class a few years back where the teacher had us all rest our hands on our knees and lean forward and just let go of our abdominal muscles. She was like, “Just let it go! Breathe! Let it go! You are letting go of the Pressure of Society!”
This was meant to help us learn to roll the ab muscles.
I thought about that a lot between month 3 and 4 when I was first starting to show, and first realizing that it was time to stop holding my abdominal muscles in, and that I was really going to have to tell my abdominal muscles to stop holding in because they’d been holding in since I was like twelve. It was time to let go of the pressure of society!
A co-worker asked what Mr. Adult Beginner thinks of my new shape, and I said he finds it Comical, and my coworker laughed and was like, “Wow, you’re ok with that?” and I was like, “What? Have you seen me? This is comical!” and he was like, “yeah, some women wouldn’t be ok with that.” and I was like, “some women are Weak!”
Probably ballet class has made me more ok with discussing the size and shape of my body in a matter of fact way? More ok than I would’ve been before ballet?
And yet, not being in ballet class has been kind of a good thing. My teacher is kinda mean. Which is one of the things I love about him! But still, it’s nice to not be fending off possibly harsh but well-meant comments about my weight during this time.
Also glad to not be spending much time in front of mirrors, worrying about getting slower, heavier, less controlled, while everyone else in class improves.
Helps a lot that the belly is firm. I mean, if the belly just got flabbier and flabbier as it got bigger that would be pretty hard to integrate into a positive body image. Like, if The Belly’s gotta be huge, at least I can still bounce a quarter off these abs.
Heidi Klum has a quote, which I can’t find online so I’ll just paraphrase, that goes something like: she was doing a runway show pretty soon after having a baby, and a pregnant woman came up to her and said, ‘Will I look as good as you after I have this baby?’ and Heidi said, ‘Well how should I know? I have no idea what you looked like before the baby!’
Which is a great way to say that if you want to look good after pregnancy you’ve got to be in shape before pregnancy.
But I think it might even be more important to ask, ‘Am I going to like the way I look during pregnancy?’ And, just from my own experience so far and talking with girlfriends who have had babies, the answer is ‘Did you like the way you looked before?’