Do maternity leotards suck as much as maternity bathing-suits?

Gentle Reader, I bought The Most Hilarious bathing suit the other day,
See ’cause like I joined a pool so I can get my swim on, but all my pre-pregnant bathing suits are bikinis and you know the Adult Beginner likes her swim suit to stay in the upright and locked position while swimming laps, so I needed a one piece.
So I went to the Target.
Which I’m not proud of, because Target has some creepy anti-union ways. I try not to shop there, after all without the union I wouldn’t have health insurance, and without health insurance I might not be having a baby at all.
And then I wouldn’t need a new bathing suit in the first place.
But anyway, I went there, thinking they have all their fun cheap bright-colored swim suits out right now, and they have a maternity clothes department, which I’ve never bothered to look through but must also be full of fun, bright, silly bathing suits right now,
So I marched up in there with high expectations but No! Denied!
The maternity bathing suits Suck Completely!
There were like three options, in the most somber, depressing colors: dark dark blue, dark dark dark brown, black, colors I’m guessing are meant to be slimming, which is, like, a total insult.
I mean, hello, pregnant, not fat!
And even worse, the pregnant lady bathing suits have all this rediculous extra fabric! Like they’re all kinda tunic-styled with this overlay of fabric hanging from the underbust seam with all this ruching and cords up the side so you can raise or lower this curtain of depressing black Lycra.
Which would totally float around and drown me if I tried to swim laps in one of those things. I’d sink like a stone. Like a miserable stone with bad body image, tied up in an ugly sack.
Forget ‘chu, Target maternity suits!
So instead I went up to the front of the store, back into the world of color and fun, picked out a couple of one pieces in size Large and Extra Large, (in Real Life, aka not pregnant life, I try Medium)
tried them on,
And was totally cracking up in the dressing room. One of the suits was ombréd from bright pink at the halter top down to dark purple at the bottom, and with my new round shape, I looked Exactly like an Easter Egg.
So of course I bought that one.
Bought the Large, the XL had way more room than I’ll ever need in the bust department.
But it made me wonder about maternity leotards,
Never noticed any maternity clothes in dance stores. Wonder if pregnant dancers just go up a leotard size like I did with the bathing suit? Or do they switch over to yoga gear?
And if there are such things as maternity leos, are they sad, bulky sacks meant to hide the body, or are they bright and proud like my Easter Egg suit?

Advertisements

About adultbeginner

Had my first ballet class Ever at the advanced age of thirty-two. Yikes.
This entry was posted in ce n'est pas une mom blog, OMG outfits you guys! and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to Do maternity leotards suck as much as maternity bathing-suits?

  1. odile53 says:

    Don’t be so sure about the XL having more room than you’ll ever need in the bust department at the end of pregnancy.

    I never found a maternity leotard. When I got too big for the next size up leo, I changed over to a tee shirt and a pair of cut off sweat pants with leg warmers pulled on over shoes. Cut off the sweat pant bottoms so I could feel my working foot in such things as frappes, etc. And don’t forget, you need a real bra, not one of the stupid bandeaux or useless dance bras. The bra issue was more of a problem for me than bottoms to accommodate my swollen belly.

    The swimming I did was a pregnancy swim class, designed to keep women in some sort of cardio fitness during pregnancy. The instructor was a woman, and it was just her and other preggos like me (at the time) in the pool at the “Y.” Like you, I took one look at the maternity swim suits of the times and shuddered. They were gross tank suit affairs, and in those days it was popular to have a downward pointing arrow with the word “Baby” emblazoned over it on the chest of just about any garment you could think of, including swim suits. That really annoyed me: With my shape at the time, what else could there have been (other than a baby?) Gas? Nuclear bomb? I threw away the maternity tee shirts I had received from well-meaning friends with the offending construction sign, and one night, in a fit of hormone-induced peevishness, got one of my husband’s shirts and a Magic Marker and wrote the word “Goodyear” across the chest! I lived in scrubs.

    You can see what my attitude was, although I did enjoy (for once in my lifetime) being big, and when the relaxins kicked in and destabilized my pelvis, I developed a John Wayne type swagger. I’d shove my sleeves halfway up, swagger with the medication cart in front of me at work (in real life, I’m an RN,) and say, “Yeah. I’m the head nurse. Waddaya want?” Loved having some physical bulk, and got really annoyed by perfect strangers coming up to me, patting my belly, and asking my due date. I went off on some guy in a supermarket once and asked him “Due date? What do you think I am, a damn library book? Do I have to pay a nickel a day if I go past my due date?” Poor ba—— backed cautiously away from me, and disappeared down the nearest aisle! Goes to prove my point about dancers: Don’t let the pink tights fool you. We’re tough as nails!

    So back to the YMCA pregnancy swim class (which I referred to as Orca the Killer Whale Rides Again.) I figured since it was nobody but us girls, guess what I wore to that? A bikini, one size up, because it gave me bra-like support. I got really lucky and never did develop any stretch marks, so I wore the bikini bottom below my belly, and the top gave me close to bra-like support.

    Unless you’re in some type of job with some moronic dress code insisting you look professional, wear whatever you darn well please, and that includes to class (if you go every now and then.) Have fun. I love the Easter egg on stilts suit!

    • Nuclear bomb! Hahahaaaa!
      Wow. I feel pretty lucky to have missed the pointing arrow and baby-on-board type moment of non-fashion history. Seems like a weird marketing strategy to think that the same women who walked in last year to buy cute fun stylish suits might walk in this year wanting something unflattering.
      I am dreading the handsy-ness of strangers! Hasn’t happened yet, but am standing at the ready to karate-chop all intruders on my expanding personal-space bubble.
      Love the John Wayne swagger!

  2. Anna says:

    Please stop making demeaning remarks about fat people. It’s hard enough, as you must have noticed by now in your situation.

    • Balletdream says:

      I’m sorry, I promised myself I wouldn’t comment on this, but come on! If you can’t handle the way Mrs. AB writes about stuff you shouldn’t read the blog! She makes a good point by the way, she is pregnant not fat so why should there just be swim suits to hide her belly then? Pretty sure she didn’t mean to insult you or any other who’s not supermodel skinny. I for one is not exactly the skinniest person on earth, but I don’t go around attacking people for an innocent remark about how stupid it is that maternity swim wear is slimming dark colors.

      Sorry, just made me a bit agitated there…

  3. guyenne says:

    I think it’s funny that you only saw solid colors at Target, b/c most of the suits I recall in that department last year were all wild floral prints, although several were black/white. Motherhood Maternity has a lot of tankinis and so does Mermaid Maternity, if one would work for you.

    Anita and PregO brands have some one-piece suits, but they’re harder to find, even using the power of Google.

    If you are willing to order from overseas, Speedo UK and Zoggs from Australia have nice one pieces (http://www.simplyswim.com/departments/WomensSwimwear/Maternity.aspx), as does Ripe Maternity from Australia (http://www.ripematernity.com/shop/category/maternity-swimwear/).

    • Come to think of it there was one patterned option: a geometric in, of course, dark dark brown.
      That one may have been one of the tankinis.
      Or tunic-kini.
      Tried on a simple black tunic-kini, but the Target cut seems to have been specifically designed to create and enhance Muffin Top. Oh noes!

  4. Rebecca says:

    You know, I’ve never seen a maternity leo either. I danced through both my pregnancies, but just opted to take a couple of my stretchier leotards and decide they would never be the same again.
    I did have to eventually cut the waistband of a pair of tights since the waist got too constricting. Other women that danced through their pregnancies at the studio I take at either just stretched out an old leo too, or wore maternity stretchy pants and a maternity stretch tank top thingy. I think we all tried to wear something loose and flowy on top. Although I still got some pretty funny comments about my belly lagging behind me in pirouettes! I think if you’ve got a baby in your belly, it should count as a double pirouette!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s