Dr. Vodka is not in the house.

Went back to ballet this week.
And Gentle Reader, it’s a good thing too because I was weak! Weak, Bitches!
Happened to glance down during a sustained developé and saw my thigh, the one I was holding out in front at, like, eighty degrees, not just trembling but more like Jiggling Violently. Like a bowl-full-of-jelly! On amphetamines! Not attractive, you guys.
Maybe this is why we’re always being told to keep our heads up? So we don’t see The Horror?
The cranky ankle- oh, maybe I’ll call it The Crankle!
The Crankle is fine for walking and standing, but it doesn’t point fully just yet. It’s very distressing! And hilarious! To look in the mirror and see one foot doing nice pointed battements and the other doing, like, some kinda flexed square-dance maneuver, it’s pretty bad/funny!
Lead the left side of the barre in my second class back, with a couple new girls behind me, who perfectly mimicked my barely raised right heel while everyone else was in a full-on relevé. Poor things.
Got some advice from Smirnoff and Lé Assistant after class: alternate ice and heat for swelling, soak in epsome salts, wear shoes that lace, no flip-flops. Lé Assistant gave my red ballet-flat-style crocs the hairy eyeball. I’ve been given the go-ahead to do demi-pliés and elevés in parallel at home, but only to a mid-height. Aspirin, elevate. I assured them I would go home and sit and let my husband bring me things. Maybe I should get a little bell…
Was very disappointed though, Gentle Reader! Smirnoff did not prescribe vodka! Have we reached the limits of vodka’s cure-all abilities? Maybe I’ll just have a greyhound tonight, just to be safe.


Here you see Exhibit A: left ankle all pointified, Exhibit B: right ankle, not.


About adultbeginner

Had my first ballet class Ever at the advanced age of thirty-two. Yikes.
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18 Responses to Dr. Vodka is not in the house.

  1. Acacia says:

    I think you are entirely correct about the vodka! However, any and all crocs deserve the hairy eyeball unless one is a chef, gardening or performing surgery.

    Along with greyhounds, I heartily recommend a basil gimlet! 1pt. vodka (though I prefer gin), splash of lime juice, splash of basil simple syrup. (Basil syrup: 1 cup sugar, 1 cup water, and 5-10 large basil leaves.) Sweet and spicy heaven!

    • Oh, snappity-snap, Crocs, did you hear that?! Acacia got no love for you.
      This basil gimlet on the other hand- big love!
      Perfect for when you have some basil but not nearly enough for pesto. Which is like, always. Dang pesto takes a lot basil!

  2. mathematicalstateofmind says:

    awww :( sorry to hear about your ankle! However, having an 80 degree extension at beginner standard is really impressive. I had to work for years to get there, lucky you!
    My left foot also stretches further than my right (but I’m right handed). Take good care of that ankle!

    • My teacher always calls out, “To the ears! To the ears, ladies!”
      Might as well be saying, “To infinity and beyond!”

    • Hey, Mathematical State of Mind, have you been to visit DaveTriesBallet? He is also an adult beginner and studying some kind of intense sounding maths, there a link to his blog over there in my blogroll, you guys might have a thing or two in common?

      • mathematicalstateofmind says:

        Thank you very much indeed, I shall check out DaveTriesBallet now. I love to connect with others who do dance, and maths, rare breed! lol

        • roriroars says:

          I also have a degree in math and I dance! I don’t really do anything with math at this point in my life aside from the math of daily living, but… I’ve always heard a lot of talk about the relationship between math and music (I’m also a lapsed classical musician) and music and dance are obviously closely related, so by applying the transitive axiom I would postulate that math and dance are also closely related. ;) I bet there are more of us out there than one might expect at first glance! mathematicalstateofmind, you might want to look up the book Physics and the Art of Dance if you haven’t already. I bet you’d enjoy it!

          • mathematicalstateofmind says:

            Hi roriroars,
            Fellow lapsed classical musician!
            I agree with your beautiful application of the transitive axiom! lol
            I will absolutely look up the book you recommended. I just know it’s my type of thing.
            Thank you

  3. kaija24 says:

    I can highly recommend, from personal experience, a long soak in a hot Epsom salts bath with a good book and cold drink. Now this “cold drink” I speak of may be ice water, Gatorade, Diet Coke, or an adult beverage of some other sort, but the contrast between the hot water and cold drink is heavenly. :)

    [If you can find the scented Epsom salts at the drugstore, they are a little touch of luxury and the smell is subtle and not overwhelming. I alternate between the eucalyptus scent (refreshing, energizing) and the citrus (soothing, fresh); the lavender one just smells like old ladies, IMHO!]

  4. At least you are back in the saddle! Your photo is funny; it is almost like the right leg belongs to someone else.

    Also, pish to your 80 degree devlope, that is all the strength I have on a regular basis!

    • Oh man, I so should have used someone else’s right leg!!!!
      Dang, missed opportunity for the hilarious.
      Oh well. Showed the picture to Mr. Adult Beginner and he was like, “yeah, um, your ballet friends will understand this picture better than I do.”
      And what-evs, girl! Pish to your hella turn-out!

  5. “Maybe this is why we’re always being told to keep our heads up? So we don’t see The Horror?”

    OMG I love this. And I actually do use the phrase, “To infinity and beyond!” when I teach though it’s just to get the feeling of reaching beyond yourself even in just a tendu or jete. I call those Buzz Lightyear battements. :)

    • You really use ‘to infinity and beyond!’? That’s awesome!
      The place where I had my first few ballet classes was right next to an Indian restaurant, teacher would tell us to point our feet and kick right through the wall and into the kitchen! Kick that sag paneer right off the stove!
      Reminds me of basketball too, a coach once told me to keep my arms in the air after making a shot, not bring them down until the ball met the basket, something about that was supposed to help the throwing of the ball be part of a larger arc, but I never got good enough to see if that really worked or not.

  6. PS – Hope that footsie gets better soon!

    • Thanks!
      It sucks!
      I’m mood-swinging wildly between feeling like this is a good opportunity to concentrate on arms and shoulders and pulled upness without the distraction of feet- and just feeling miserable and stupid and afraid I’ll never ever get to put my pointe shoes on again.
      And then feeling ridiculous for being such a melodramaqueen.

  7. lalatina says:

    Get well soon!

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