It’s lé assistant de la Smirnoff:
Lé: Got your message Darling! We miss you in class! Tell me exactly what happened!
“Now, I’m having some deja vú about this…did this happen one time before? You went away somewhere and took some class and hurt yourself?”
Me, holding phone slightly lower in order to hang head in shame: “yes.”
Lé: Well what’s going on there?! Haha! You go away and you get hurt! But I see how this can happen when you’re- you know- you’re not a seasoned dancer my Dear. I mean, you can do your pliés and tendus wherever you go but when you’re in a strange place with a strange teacher, everything is strange, and you’re trying extra hard because you want to do well but everything is strange…things can happen. It’s not the very best idea, you know, to take a strange class like that! Not the very best idea!”
Me, practically on the floor now: “…yeah…I know.”
Lé: Ok. But you’re able to walk? You’re not in pain? Are you wearing some kind of support?
I explain there’s no pain standing or walking, but the ankle’s kind of like stiff? And I’m working on some strengthening exercises? And I’m wearing this ankle brace? (Meanwhile trying my best to shoo the image of support stockings, girdles, long-line brassieres and other grandmotherly type Supports out of my head.)
Lé: Well, good. Then come back to class! Just a partial. Just do the barre. Your pliés and tendus. Don’t do jumps. No jumps. But, see, if you are out for a month or more, well, everything will be weak when you come back, and that’s just not good, that just bad, makes everything harder. Come back soon, try you pliés and your tendus. Keep your strength. And you’ve got your friend in class. The barre! The barre is the heart of ballet! It’s there for you.
Lé: Come back! Do your barre!
Lé: As soon as you’re ready! Just the barre.
Lé: And don’t wear flip-flops! Not even around the house!
Lé: All right, see you soon. Call if you need anything. Anything! Come to class!
me: Ok! Yes. Thank you. I will!
Hung up and thought:
Thought #1- Woah. Crazy timing. Had just gotten settled into the idea of no ballet class for a bit. But it’s a good point about doing a little something so I don’t loose all the rest of it…
Thought #2- Woah. She said the barre is the heart of ballet. The heart of ballet! The barre! Is the heart of ballet! Who talks like that on the phone?! That is, like, some poetry right there.