From fear to acceptance in like two seconds. #Maturity #Whiplash

I was sitting on the floor in the hall of a new dance studio the other day, with, like, my world all spread out around me —shoes, warm-ups, bag, phone, other bag— wondering why I always show up for ballet class so stupid early, like before the teacher is even there early, why don’t I learn,
And I hear a voice and look up it’s this little girl, like maybe seven, all happy smiles and pink leotard, hand-in-hand with her mama, and this tiny kid is walking right toward the room where I’m about to take class,
And I totally ice-over and think “FUUUUUUUUUUH!!!!!!!!”
And think, “Oh help me it’s about to be one of those classes oh no not children this is the worst just kill me now,”
And then think, “Nah, you know what, it’s fine, totally fine, actually it’ll be really really interesting to see how a teacher works with adults and kids all together in the same class, this’ll probably be awesome,”
And then think, “wait, what? WHO EVEN ARE YOU ANYMORE, ADULT BEGINNER?!”
But then at the very last second she zigged left instead of zagging right and totally went off to a different class, so all that for nothing.

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It’s not you AB, it’s the non-disclosure.

Was walking with my sister the other day, pushing the boy in the jogging stroller,
—And feeling pleased that at least this time we hadn’t seen Other Jogging Mom, the one who I only ever see when she’s jogging her stroller but I’m just walking mine. Never mind that I might have just finished a super long run, Other Jogging Mom and I only cross paths when she’s jogging and I’m lazy. In fact, the other day it was like 100 degrees out and I was in my car and I saw her out jogging that jog stroller and I totally wanted to roll down my window and yell, “I’m driving to the gym!! To work out!! I’m not lazy!! Your Face!!!”
Actually Other Jogging Mom is really nice. We chat at crosswalks. I like her. But man, gets me so competitive!
Anyway not the point. Point is, the other day, strolling the jog stroller back from coffee, we walked past some kind of film shoot and I was like, “Ooh! I wonder what they’re filming?” and my sister was like, “I love how you always just bust up in there and ask,” and I was like ,”yeah and I love how they always tell me. You know they like never tell [Mr. Adult Beginner]? They totally say something lame like ‘it’s a Tv Show’ and he’s like ‘No duh, Power-Mad Clipboard-Wielding Nineteen-Year-Old, it’s obviously a tv show, but fine, don’t tell me, jeez.’ “
I think they just tell me because I’m all adorable pushing a stroller. Plus maybe it’s because I never ask the nineteen year old with the clipboard.
Didn’t find out what they were filming this time though because the shoot was on the other side of the street.
But reminded me of the other day after another not-awesome pointe class, I was sitting in the lobby all sad times, taking off my sad pointes, trying to decide if I need better shoes or a better attitude or what, and there was some kind of big audition going on in one of the other rooms, maybe something hip hop, and two of the auditioners were sitting on the other couch all slumped over not talking and staring at their phones, like they were maybe sad times too, and after a little while I asked, “What’s the audition for?”
And they both kinda looked over at me side-eye and said, “An artist.”
I kinda just said, “oh.” and then got my shoes on and walked out all Extra Sad Times thinking, “Oh Come On! An Artist? Really?!!! That hurts my feelings! I’m cool! I think? Ok Fine! Don’t tell me JEEZ. It’s obviously either a commercial or a tour anyway! I know stuff! Jeez!”
Didn’t occur to me until later that they’d probably both signed a million non-disclosure agreements, they probably really couldn’t tell me, like, legally. Like I was probably kind of putting them on the spot by even asking.
All I could think in that moment was that they looked over, saw that I was not cool, not a real dancer, plus too old and fat and what was I doing with those pointe shoes and what was my hair’s problem and nobody wears new balance anyway like ‘nice mom-shoes, lady,’ and just decided to shut me down.
Why am I so drama? I think pointe class makes me a little bit sad and insane.
Gentle Reader, I’ve quit pointe.
Gonna write Adult Beginner LOLZ in fancy script across the toes of my pointes and try again sometime in the future with new shoes and a different teacher.

Posted in Ballerina Class, and other pointe-y stuff, Bark! Bark! Bark! | Tagged , , , , , , | 24 Comments

Pretty in pink. Isn’t she.

How about a bunch of pictures of meeeeeeeeee? Wearing the gwenythbrand Modern Classic tunic, in ballet pink?

Ruche those ruches, girrrrrl. Tie that bow. Wear those shorts.


Kind of a 70’s Portrait Of A Leotard feeling going on here. I like it. Let’s keep going…


Whoops, too sexy, AB, who you trying to fool?


That’s more like it. Such a pretty face.


Eames, you’re nothing but a photo prop to me. I stand on you. Eat my pointes.

Gentle Reader, you might remember I got to be a tester and feed-back giver for Gwenyth brand on the Modern Classic tunic, way back in the 1.0 kickstarter days?
The Modern Classic, which is a length-adjustable top, tunic, and dress all in one for Pilates, ballet, barre class, coffee dates, etc, based on vintage ballet rehearsal clothing, updated for the modern lady who likes things like stretchable fabric, and a bra?
Here’s a post showing the super satisfying unboxing experience, just if you’d like a reminder.
Gwenyth is now onto the 3.0 version of the Modern Classic tunic, new and improved with feedback from feedbackers.
For example Gentle Reader, if you get one, and you appreciate the strap across the back that attaches to the hidden internal bra and holds taut for added bust security, that was Totally My Feedback!!! You are totally welcome for that one!!!!!! It was my pleasure!!!!
I mean, I think that’s really cool, to see my own feedback implemented in a helpful way.
I mean.
The strap can be removed and used as a headband too, if you wanna. That part wasn’t my idea. But it should’ve been because it’s awesome.
How about one more picture? Ok fine.


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Three Pink Things

1. Pink cord on the handle of my
2. Pinking shears, on my
3. Modern Classic tunic by Gwenyth in ballet pink.
Yeah, pink cord on my pinking shears because PUNS ARE HILARIOUS.
For my fabric nerds: the Adult Beginner philosophy on pinking scissors is:
don’t bother with nice pinks, you’ll never actually get around to getting them professionally sharpened and once they’re dull, they are really really dull.
O, how they will chew up your fabric.
(I wasn’t originally planning on writing balls, but autocorrect filled it in and it’s got a certain truth)
Just buy some stupid Fiskar pinking shears and consider them disposable.
Don’t worry, I’m not using the scissors on the tunic. It’s Already Perfect.

Posted in the stuff drawer | Tagged , , , , , | 4 Comments

That’s not yours, Adult Beginner.

When you find a bobby pin around the house, pick it up and put it in your hair-do. When you find a bobby pin Anywhere Else, don’t.

Posted in the stuff drawer | Tagged , , , , , | 6 Comments

Little Wooden Mannequin Project #14 is so close to a penché, soooo close


The Little Wooden Mannequin Project is a collaboration between Adult Beginner and her two year old son. He sets the pose, she draws.

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Look out pedestrians, Mean Adult Beginner is here.

Driving to ballet class the other day, stopped at a long light, waiting for it to turn green, daydreaming, thinking of nothing, I happened to look over and see this girl standing at the crosswalk, wearing Those Awful Pants.
You know the ones.
Super low drop-crotch, tons of extra bulk in the thigh department that pleats up into a high waistband and tapers down into a short cropped hem. Like, specifically designed to make the wearer look short-legged wide-hipped thick-waisted and saddle-baggy. These things aren’t jodhpurs either, more like a hideous hybrid of hip hop meets harem.
Maybe you are the one person in the world who looks hot in these pants, Gentle Reader, and if so that is awesome for you and please send me a photo of you wearing them hotly while hanging out with your pet unicorn and your pal Big Foot, ’cause dayuum, I really want believe the world is that kind of magical place.
Anyway, so I saw this girl and thought to myself, (For full effect, read this in the bitchiest voice you’ve got, Gentle Reader) “Oh Girl No. That is Tragic.”
And then happened to glance down into my own lap at my own tragic get-up of brown floral shorts over white-pink ballet tights ending in short white athletic socks and running shoes, and totally snorted out loud and was like, “Oh. Oh Adult Beginner. No Girl, no.”

Posted in OMG outfits you guys! | Tagged , , , , , , , | 6 Comments