This week the Adult Beginner is 37 weeks pregnant out of the industry standard 40.
Dudes, this is technically full-term.
Which means I could Go Off at any moment!
I’m like a ticking time-bomb of baby.
Gives me a very weird, time portal type feeling.
Like, reminds me of the Christmas of my senior year in high-school, someone gave me this art calendar, and I remember flipping forward to September,
September was Egon Sciele’s Scornful Woman,
And I remember staring at her sneer and the blank month below and thinking ‘Where will I be next time I see this calendar page? It’ll be on the wall in a dorm room? But what college? And I’ll be at college. I’ll be totally different than I am now. Who will I be next time I see this calendar page?’
Like really seeing myself older and sophisticated and carrying books and laughing with people my high-school self didn’t even know yet and probably wearing high heels.
And, like, the calendar page really was kind of a portal because I remember kicking off my sneakers that September and flipping the calendar page beside my desk in my dorm room and seeing her sneer again and writing things in the blank page below and thinking, ‘silly Past Self. I am at college but I’m not different at all. I am the same me.’
Also reminds me of this moment: driving down this long country road sometime in the spring of my senior year, to pick up my boyfriend, and suddenly having this weird time portal-y feeling of ‘Right now I am stressed out and everything is wrong, but in two hours I will be making out and Everything will be Amazing.’
And reminds me of this moment somewhere toward the end of my first semester in college, freaking out about everything that was all coming due at the same time, projects and zillion page papers and exams I needed to ace, and knowing that if I could somehow skip forward just a month I’d somehow be done with all of it, all these things would be finished and behind me and I’d be free.
And feeling comforted by the fact that it’s just a matter of time.
Pregnancy is kind of like all that.
They give you a due date, and it seems very far away, and you figure you’ll know so much more about life and everything by the time you reach that date, and you’ll be a different person and there’s something amazing waiting for you on the other side of that date, and if somehow you were to skip forward a month after this date all of this will have happened already, you’ll have accomplished this overwhelming project,
and you’ll probably still be the same you?
Anyway, so one of the things Mr. Adult Beginner and I have been doing to get ready is moving all the books out of what was the guest room and what will be the baby’s room, so, like, we can fit the baby in there eventually. Babies need shelf space, right?
Anyway, so this includes moving out all the National Geographic Magazines. I’ve been going through and tearing out the pages I really like to keep in my reference files and recycling the bulk of the magazines- all except the one from 1964 about how NASA is planning to get people on the moon, and the one from the twenties that’s all about chickens, those two stay intact- and I found these in a story on cats.
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