Monthly Archives: October 2010

Pink Tights Soup

Dang it, Pink Tights! You just went through the washing machine in your special little lingerie bag, how can you still be covered in black marks? Are you trying to make me crazy?! Fine. You’re gonna get soaked all day … Continue reading

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Muscle memory is no joke

Took an Intermediate Swim Class one semester in college to fill my physical education requirement. Wanted to take Ballet 101, but the class was always full before underclassmen were allowed to register, and by the time I was an upperclassman … Continue reading

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Look out, Pirouettes, here I come.

As of today I’ve officially lost those five pounds that were keeping me from doing a pirouette. In your face, Pirouettes! Nothing can stop me now! Except gravity!

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Come to think of it, does he really need those two canes?

We’re in the car, and I’m telling Mr. Adult Beginner how cool I think it is that my ballet teacher speaks in Russian to the Russian girl in class, and speaks in Spanish to the girl from Argentina, and that … Continue reading

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The Adult Beginner makes a Bold Prediction

Lately in class instead of- developé to the side, fondue, kick out to the front and immediately keel over with a violent unpredictability, threatening bodily harm to myself and my long suffering barre-mates and maybe even the people out in … Continue reading

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Why don’t more adults begin?

The Adult Beginner sometimes appoints herself Dance-Class Evangelist: a role which involves bullying, encouragement, threats, hyperbole, carrot-dangling, praise, attempts to wear down resistance with obnoxious persistence. Why do I torment the people I love like this? For totally selfish reasons. … Continue reading

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Stuck on you

Starting to wonder if bubble gum on the floor was a major dance-studio hazard at some point in ballet history. I mean, if I had a nickel for every time a teacher has told someone to, “Point your toe like … Continue reading

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Vaganova said Knock You Out

I have this brilliant theory. Now, Gentle Reader, I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “but, Adult Beginner, all your theories are brilliant!” and believe me I hear you, so let’s just stop collaborate and listen: This theory is about … Continue reading

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I heart ballet nerds

One day, while I was wobbling at the barre, Sazerac asks, “Didn’t you used to do this at slumber parties?” And I said, “Do what now?” And she said, “You know, balancing contests. Like, everyone see who can hold the … Continue reading

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He won’t bite

Smirnoff, to a new girl, right at the beginning of class: “My Dear. Are you very afraid of me?” She says, “no?” “Then step out a little, Angel. No need to hide in the barre.”

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